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  • Writer's pictureBelinda Lane

Story: The Silent Death

October 30, 2020

(October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month)

I am certain I have become unrecognizable to family and friends. Silently I died, yet no one acknowledged my death. There has been no funeral arrangement made on my behalf. Each day my family and friends view my body. Some still laugh and mention how wonderful I am. Maybe it’s because I smile back at them and they assume I am still alive. Different ones have seen my obituary, my black eye, bruises which couldn’t be concealed, a limp or the whisper because there’s no strength within to speak out loud anymore. Yet, no one acknowledged my death.

Does anybody understand I am no longer here? Over the months as family and friends cried out to me to leave, they didn’t realize inwardly I was crippled and powerless to move. So they stepped away feeling helpless. They saw my battered body; yet no one recognized my damaged soul and troubled spirit. What caused me to stay when others begged and pleaded for me to break away when declaring “I’m here for you”? They didn’t know the times I struggled and failed. The times I sought to walk away and my legs gave out. They judged me from the outside alone. Every time I stared into their eyes I heard myself inside my head crying, “Help me, please”.

When did I become worthless to the one that claimed he loved me and demand me through my bruised lips to respond to him, “I love you too”? Feeling the blows to my head with his fist, strikes to my ribs and dragging me around the room by my hair as he confessed his love. Moments later he holds my body to his own, for his pleasure as I suppressed the pain in my body and soul. We both struggle to stay alive as we feel the torment within.

The damaged part of me always protecting him…”he didn’t mean it; he is under pressure from his job”. I ask myself; “What made me hand over my love for someone who had a distorted conception of love”. And what was my own conception of love that I would give it so freely, to one that didn’t deserve it? Did I not recognize it or chose not to? We were two souls out of harmony!

I am certain I have become unrecognizable to family and friends. Silently I died, yet no one acknowledged my death. (Disclaimer: We do not own the rights to the music in this video)

National Domestic Violence Hotline can help victims, survivors of domestic violence. Call 1-800-799-7233. Chat w/ an advocate on our website. National Domestic Violence Hotline

Editor’s Note: It is known that daughter’s model future relationships on the one male role model in their life…..Their Father. As the father we owe it to our daughters to show them in word and deed what they should look for in a future companion. If it is anger they see, it could be anger they accept. If it is love they see, it is love they should expect. Which begs the question? Who do they become when there is no role model?

~J. Anthony Spencer~

(All Stories and Poetry is originally mine and have Copyrights!)

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