Lessons Learned from a Conversation with My Younger Self

August 15, 2025 Belinda M. Lane

Have you ever sat down and had a conversation with your younger self? Seriously! Talking to the self you show when things go wrong. Recurring circumstances that provoke the question, “Why does this same thing always happen to me?” Suddenly, now you are prompting a deep search for comprehension.

Some people’s younger selves are weary and eager to speak with their adult selves. Let me be clear; I’m addressing your desire for change. It’s possible you want only one part of your life to get better. Every aspect of our lives has a foundation. Life may be wonderful for many, and this is simply an interesting perspective I’m sharing.

The other day, strangely enough, I sat with my younger self. I felt surprised at how much my younger self wanted to say. I will share our discussion.

I will only highlight what my younger self had to say…

"Given the adult situations I faced early in life and the choices they compelled me to make, why am I, still affected by my decisions? 

Now in your adult years, why have you not understood I was a fearful and struggling child during that time?

Given the times of disappointment, regret, and “what ifs,” why didn’t you pause and consider why you kept making the same choices? 

Each time you blamed things in our past, “I’m the one who lived through it, and you keep me chained to the pain, refusing to let go.”

My younger self concluded…I need to grow up, but your lingering memory holds me back. 

I’d call this epiphany a positive, life-altering moment! Rehearsing what was said helped me realize fear had controlled most adult life. The mindset of a child can’t handle adult situations, no matter how smart the child’s mind is. This is simply because of the steps involved in the solution. A child’s solution will cause a wounded spirit, an undefined definition of true love and courage. Most pain in a lot of instances are carried by the child who couldn’t move forward as the adult.

It’s alright if this doesn’t resonate or isn’t relevant for many of you. I’m sure you know someone who’d grasp this, nodding in agreement. It’s my long-held view that inherent reasons mold us, as the past leaves its mark in both favorable and unfavorable ways.

For many, childhood holds cherished, unforgettable memories, and they often express the simple delights they felt back then. Rooted in the values of their youth, they prospered, gaining not just wealth, but a deep understanding of life’s lessons. 

Others recall childhoods that echoed with torment, a living hell forever etched into their minds. They have fought against the chains of their past, their younger selves desperately trying to keep them bound. The younger self that refuses to let go. Holding on and vowing to protect an adult, while tied to the same immature decisions, creates pain while trying to eliminate pain. 

The younger self is pulling you around by the heart through your emotions. This leads you to exhibit erratic behavior over minor situations to others but major to you. Too many women have built a fortress around their hearts. The effort to keep from being hurt by what they saw or didn’t see in what was called love. Whereas this may be factual; the echo of something bygone still drives their unconscious choice to remain isolated. The same goes for men as well. 

Essentially, the way we navigate our world provides justifiable insight into the creations within us. We’ve been living someone else’s life since we were kids; our behavior showed it never fit. 

For those of you who would like to take some time this weekend: 

• Ponder the aspect of your life where you yearn to forge a path uniquely your own. 

• Next, reflect on the core beliefs that grounded your understanding and led to that decision. “What may have been appropriate for someone else doesn’t mean it was appropriate for you.” 

• From your answers, determine whether the speaker is your younger self speaking out. Or is your adult wisdom now speaking up?

• After you have established who has been making the choices, create a change if this came from your younger self. (Talk to a family member or friend, read a book on giving up the past). Many people might just now be figuring things out, and that alone will change your path.

Thank your younger self for getting you here and tell them they’ll be alright. The adult self will take over your life from now on. It’s time for us to wear adult clothing inside of us.

Remember: As a man thinks in his heart, so is he!

Thank you for joining me for Friday at Sundown. Remember… Just Breathe!

Resources:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Dial 988

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you

800-273-8255

Domestic Violence

National Domestic Violence Hotline can help victims, survivors of domestic violence. Call 1-800-799-7233. Chat w/an advocate on our website. National Domestic Violence Hotline: www.thehotline.org/ 

Aid for Military Veterans

In an attempt to cope with the pain of overwhelming emotions, sometimes veterans turn to unhealthy relationships, at-risk behaviors, or substance abuse.

Welcome Home is Celebrate Recovery's (CR) tool to help veterans stuck in hurts, hang-ups, and habits. (These statements are from CR’s Homepage). You are not alone.

*Special "Thank you" to my brother in love J Anthony Spencer for the encouragement, editing and supporting me as a writer. I am grateful!