Discussion: “For Better or For Worst”
March 26, 2021
On March 12th my Discussion was entitled: Take a Snapshot of Your Life Right Now! The person who edits for me (Anthony Spencer) called me and said, I can’t get that 31% couples were shown that the lockdown during the Pandemic has caused irreparable damage to their relationships. From our discussion we decided to reach out to several couples and wherein the lockdown has been positive for their relationship and family, it was another side to the excerpt below from that particular blog.
“According to the New York Post on Sept. 1, 2020 article stated ‘US divorce rates have skyrocket amid COVID-19 pandemic’. Reasons stated were the combination of stress, unemployment, financial strain, death of loved ones, illness, homeschooling children, mental illnesses, and more putting a significant strain on relationships. The data showed that 31 percent of the couples admitted lockdown has caused irreparable damage to their relationships”
Note: The stories below are unedited to maintain their actual statements...
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Chiara and Me’ Sean Noble
In complete transparency, there were definitely some challenges on all fronts for our family unit, but this season of "pandemic" has proved be a much needed wake up call for our marriage. Going from a typical week of leaving the house by 7am and going our separate ways until returning at 6pm was quite challenging. ---yet this was our normal. There was not much time to enjoy dinner as a family and by the time we got through homework and showers there was little to no time left for the two of us. When the kids went to bed, we went to bed and were sleeping shortly thereafter. The weekends were a blur. Being together 24-7 from March until about mid-June enabled us to have a completely different perspective on things. We were able to have breakfast, lunch and dinner together. We were able to spend more time with the children and be more engaged in their academics. We were able to just....BE.
This also caused some deep rooted issues in our marriage to come to the surface...but in a good way in the end. You know how you can say something to someone twenty times and you really aren’t heard until the 21st or until you're yelling? Before the pandemic, we knew for a long time that we had gotten to the point in our marriage where we really just co existing. Being forced to be still and confront our issues has been the best thing that has happened to us. Between counseling and lots of prayer, the current state of our relationship is better than it ever was. We have gotten back to dating each other. The lines of communication are crisp and clear. No more saying "nothing" when there's something. No more leaving the house or going to bed angry. Now we make time for each other, like we used to "find" time for everything else. We never lost the love that we had for one another, but we fell back "in love" We begin each day praying together before we make it out of bed. We communicate throughout the workday and we are excited to reunite again at the end of the day. The "butterflies" have returned. Saturday evenings are our designated date night no matter what. No exceptions. This September we will celebrate 10 years of marriage, and all in all we can truly say that this pandemic helped to save it!
Anthony and Panetta Spencer:
On March 12, 2021, the discussion Take a Snapshot of Your Life Right Now? Was posted on Friday At Sundown. In the fourth paragraph our author quoted a statistic from the New York Post dated Sept 1, 2020 stating that US divorce rates skyrocketed amid the COVID-19 pandemic. WHAT? HOW? In this already crazy, mixed up world how was it that this unprecedented event could be responsible for divorce or even separations? The article goes on to state that the data showed that 31 percent of couples admitted that the lockdown caused irreparable damage to their relationships. When I found out that Maryland was going on lockdown amid the anxiety I was feeling, there was a sense of wellbeing that was there also. Not only was the love of my life going to be out of danger, but I got the chance to be home with her. Our relationship had its share of bumps in the beginning. But it was love that got us over the bumps and has continued to this very day. One of the things I attributed to the relationship was that we never stopped dating. And in lockdown we carried on that tradition. Our dinner together that was only a couple nights a week turned into a daily event. We planned our meals. We chose our movies or series we were going to watch and we settled in each night.
Several weeks before the discussion I asked my wife, “Do you think our relationship has gotten better because of the lockdown?” Her answer was that “I don’t think so. Our relationship has always been good and I don’t think that has changed because of the current situation.” While I content she is mostly right, I found myself depending on and looking forward to her powerful prayers (together) which in turn I think brought us closer together in faith of God and in faith of each other. If 31 percent admitted to problems, then that means a potential 69 percent are either good or has the possibility of being so. But for me and mine. We are fine, we are more than fine. We are in love of each other and more importantly in love with God who is the glue that holds us together.
Pastor Phil and Jackie Miller:
There are some indications that the coronavirus and its related stressors are prying some couples apart. But that’s not our story. This year we will be married for 16 years come on April 30th. And as crazy as it sounds the pandemic and lockdown has been a true blessing to our marriage. We have never been closer, mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. In the past because of my husband’s schedule coupled with him working in Reston Virginia and us living in Edgewood, Maryland his commute one way to work was a two to three-hour trip each way if he drove. This was very stressful for us both, he would be up at 3 am in the morning to get out of the house by 5 am and not getting home until 7 pm in the evening, and if he was a few minutes later on either end, traffic would impact his commute which affected him and in turn affected us.
My husband suffers greatly from Seasonal depression, which is a type of mood disorder that primarily occurs at a specific time of the year, mainly when daylight saving time FALL’s BACK. He would leave in the dark and return in the dark, that messed with his psyche really bad. He did start taking the train which shaved an hour off his travel time each way but it still impacted our marriage because there was very little time for anything. A lot of time I would feel neglected. We did our best to nurture our relationship however it was difficult and we would go through seasons of drought in our physical intimacy. At times we were not connected which would make other areas complicated to navigate. God and Ministry being a primary focus in our lives, many times would come before our marriage because of time, but even it suffered. We have such a beautiful house but even it suffered the first two years of us being here.
If you are close to us, you know the hectic life we live. We were always putting everything before our marriage. When I say the lockdown has been a blessing for us, it’s truly an understatement. My husband’s job became work from home completely (he occasionally goes into the office once or twice a month) removing the stress of travel. Giving us time to really reconnect. We have grown so much over this past year in our marriage. We get to eat together, talk more about ministry and even our prayer lives have increased. We have been forced to work out the smallest of issues before they get out of control. Communication is so much easier because we are not trying to talk late at night when he’s exhausted, and irritable or early in the morning at the butt crack of dawn when I’m sleepy and only up to get him together and out the door. Physical intimacy, well let’s just say, we're grateful to be past childbearing years!!! Every area of our relationship has been impacted in a positive way during this season. The lockdown has been the best thing to happen to our relationship. We appreciate and value the opportunity that we have to grow in this season.
BeBe Winans - I Found Love - Cindy's Song (Lyric Video) - YouTube
I Believe In You And Me - David Peaston - Bing video
(Disclaimer: We do not own the rights to the music in this video)
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Resources Corner:
Psychological Trauma
GirlVictorious: Life After Trauma is a blog geared at helping women lead a meaningful, full, and victorious life after going through trauma.
Domestic Violence
National Domestic Violence Hotline can help victims, survivors of domestic violence. Call 1-800-799-7233. Chat w/an advocate on our website. National Domestic Violence Hotline: www.thehotline.org/
Aid for Military Veterans
In an attempt to cope with the pain of overwhelming emotions, sometimes veterans turn to unhealthy relationships, at-risk behaviors, or substance abuse.
Welcome Home is Celebrate Recovery's (CR) tool to help veterans stuck in hurts, hang-ups, and habits. (These statements are from CR’s Homepage). You are not alone! https://www.welcomehome.celebraterecovery.com