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  • Writer's pictureBelinda Lane

Discussion: I Did It My Way… Or Was It Someone Else Way?

November 19, 2021

As a child, I started school in a small town. One thing I recall was the teacher’s way of discipline was to hit you on the hand with a ruler. During my elementary years, I can remember one event that puzzled me (even at that young age). When a student would use their left hand to write, the teacher would instruct the student to use their right hand. If the student would continue using their left hand (and I guess it was automatic for the student), the teacher would take the ruler and pop the child's hand. Then the teacher would instruct the student to use his or her right hand. For the student it was as difficult for them to write with as it was for us who were right-handed to use our left hand to write.

I remember reading the story of what was considered being a family tradition. A young woman was preparing Thanksgiving feast for the family who were coming to her home for holiday dinner. Her grandmother came early to help with the preparations. The grandmother saw her granddaughter cut a portion of the roast off and asked her why. It confused the granddaughter why her grandmother asked her the question. Replying, she said “this is how mama showed me and she said this was how you prepared your roast”. The grandmother laughed so hard, eventually pulling herself together she responded, “that was because the whole roast couldn’t fit in my pan.”

We now know some individuals are born using the left hand for essentially what the right-hand person does. And the person wasn’t abnormal using their left hand. We know they are making bigger pans for roasting. Why is it when someone doesn’t conform to our way or what we have deemed the normal way, we define as incorrect? Take a minute and ponder this question?

Life offers us many possibilities. There was a song back in the late 60s by the group, Sly and the Family Stone song entitled “Everyday People.” Some lyrics were, “Different strokes for different folks… We got to live together!” WOW! Isn’t this a noble idea? What I am discussing here is everyday living, not our religious belief (that will come at a later time). I have heard people express, “this is how I would do it or you should have done it this way. Which is useful, because it provides us with options, but those options may not be suitable for me to go after. Or you hear, they should have known better. Everybody knows this is how you should do it.

I Googled to see what is the world population and presently it is approximately 7.9 billion (Whew). I think I could come close to accuracy with this statement. There is not 7.9 billion doing it the way you and I do it.

The reason I’m talking about this (actually when I woke up one morning this week, this thought greeted me). How many of us have made choices based on someone else’s opinion of “this is what you need to do.” The New Year is right at our back and this where I want to direct this conversation. I have listened to many people over my life who have talked about their dream which they are not living. We talked many out of their dream, while we have talked other into someone else’s dream. I know it’s the same thing. There are those who are following their family (traditional), which were never their dream. Some are in the health field, or entrepreneurs, the entertainment industry. Only because it their family tradition.

There are people whose destiny (within) has nothing to do with working the family business. That dream was not in their makeup or creation. We all wish to leave behind a legacy for our children. Question, have we stopped to inquire about their dream? Or are we assuming their dream has got to be our dream as we work hard to leave them “our business? Too many are actually walking out of step with their true destiny, struggling to continue in someone else’s destiny. Unfortunately, there are many right now in fields or following traditions who are hollow inside. Even money or wealth has not filled that void. There is a yearning for something more. And when you utter those feeling, you are told how blessed you are or how selfish you are when people look at you and envy what you have. So we become silent in our emptiness!

The extension of our family line may not be what we observe now. Because you’re in a family with five generations of military leaders, your calling may be in professional sports. You may be within a family of generational preachers, pastors, etc., yet your destiny was to be an actor/actress. When we are out of line with our personal destiny, we can curve our family's true destiny.

In the bible Paul’s appeared destiny clashed with his ultimate destiny. A devout Jew became a leader to the Gentiles. He persecuted the church and later turned into a champion and martyr for churches he was persecuting.

I have talked in the past of Michael Ilitch, who dreams of being a profession baseball player, whose dream died to an injury. He ended up working in a friend’s pizza shop. Which set him to his true destiny as founder of Little Caesar’s Pizza. Who later became owner of a hockey and major league baseball teams. He was a billionaire when he died.

Now, I propose the question, are you doing it your way or someone else’s way? In your family is being left-handed ok? Were you or are you following tradition and cutting part of the roast off?

I believe that the calling/destiny it came with our birth.

Are you truly walking in your Destiny!

Thank you for joining me for Friday at Sundown. Remember… Just Breathe!

Resources Corner:

Victory Talk on Fridays Her life after the trauma: Jacqueline B. Miller (known as Lady J) shares her story is in her book Mosaics… Subtitle: Made from Beautifully Broken Pieces (this book is a collaboration of six (6) authors sharing their stories).

On the web:

Facebook: @victorytalk or

Twitter: @JackieLadyJ1.

Psychological Trauma

GirlVictorious: Life After Trauma is a blog geared at helping women lead a meaningful, full, and victorious life after going through trauma.

Domestic Violence

National Domestic Violence Hotline can help victims, survivors of domestic violence. Call 1-800-799-7233. Chat w/an advocate on our website. National Domestic Violence Hotline:

Aid for Military Veterans

In an attempt to cope with the pain of overwhelming emotions, sometimes veterans turn to unhealthy relationships, at-risk behaviors, or substance abuse.

Welcome Home is Celebrate Recovery's (CR) tool to help veterans stuck in hurts, hang-ups, and habits. (These statements are from CR’s Homepage). You are not alone!

Victorious Living Faith: Not Your Traditional Church - Home (Pastor Phillip A. Miller, Sr.)

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