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  • Writer's pictureBelinda Lane

Discussion: “Letting Go can Be Difficult but Necessary”

     By Jackie (Lady J) Miller

January 21, 2022

I encourage you to read this scripture and really take it in. It’s very poetic, yet it reveals a TRUTH that we all must face.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

...a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; A time of war, and a time of peace.

Have you ever thought, I can’t get over this feeling of “I can’t let go”? If I hold on, no matter how frustrated I get, no matter how much damage it does to me, I have to hold on. No matter how much I’m depleting, my self-esteem. No matter how un- appreciated I feel! Or the worthless tug of darkness I feel in the hollow of my soul I still can’t let go! Why???

I know you mean me no good. You have shown me repeatedly that I am only as valuable to you through what I have, can do, or give to you or your cause. As long as I benefit you and supply your need or needs, I have worth to you!

Is it my fault? I can’t deny it, the way you look, talk, respond to me. Why am I willing to stay in this toxic relationship, atmosphere, place, or position? Why am I staying in situations that no longer serves me but are only for the benefit of others?

This relationship is detrimental to my health and wellbeing.

This friendship is one-sided. I can never get a word in edgewise, everything is always about you, you constantly take and have no desire to give. You are smothering me with your selfishness!

This job is using and abusing me. They refuse to pay me my worth. I’m required to always work overtime with-out compensation. To carry my playing hooky from work co-workers’ load. Talking to me as if I’m a slave meant to bend to their every whim.

Church! For some, it is a church where they have spent many years of their life. Where they have seen multiple administrations come and go. They are supporting, giving, and serving. You are not being fed, no longer growing on your spiritual walk. Going to where you just don’t want to go.

“But I just Can’t Let Go!” “It Will Get Better!” “I Can Be the Change!” “Quitting is not an option!” “I Can Make It Work!” “I Can Do This.” We rationalize all this with, “I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me… Philippians 4:13.” (Yup, we will even quote scriptures to validate and justify our reason to stay.)

Is this familiar? Do you hear this voice in your head?

Then let me tell you “Letting Go can Be Difficult but Necessary!”

Some situations cause you more pain than joy. We expect, hope and plead for the person, place or situation to change. Still, you get so much less or close to nothing in return, it’s time to let go… move on!

We got to let it all go… move forward so that we can GROW. Some of us have all the tools to move, but fear has taken up residence in our lives for so long, we stay stuck. Truth be told, it’s easier to stay than to go- (GROW).

Just as heavy bags in the literal sense will weigh us down, heavy baggage from present and our past can also weigh us down physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially.

It is a challenge for us from day to day to let go of our past. Our past problems, our cares, concerns, mistakes, biggest of all… our failures.

Do you know that just like the seasons, Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall change is inevitable, the world evolves? So do people, places and things. We aren’t to stay in the same place and do the same thing with the same people for our entire lives. Variety truly is the spice of life. No, I am not saying that you are to have multiple mates. What I am saying is this: if you didn’t have multiple friendships, how would you know what kind of people you connect with? If you didn’t try out of the norm foods, places, activities, or careers, how would you know what you enjoy or love to do or even are good at doing?

My point is, it’s okay to leave or let go of things or people who are dysfunctional. They are not all for your development, growth, or meant to be a part of your future. More often than we care to admit, we are our own worst enemy. God wants to elevate us. It’s we who choose to stay and wallow in the messiness where we are most comfortable, and it doesn’t require any work on our part.

Let us move past the people and relationships that are now over, because of the dysfunctional thought patterns and behaviors of people who weren't clear about their identity. Ask the Lord to heal our hearts from the connections that have ended when we thought they were for a lifetime and not a season. Say it with me, a REASON and a SEASON. And if you were the person who wasn't clear on your identity, and the dysfunctional behavior you once had, and burned bridges. Please FORGIVE yourself and move on to being a better version of you. The TRUTH… sometimes it's US and not them!!

#Speaklife #CarpeDiem #WalkinyourVictory

Let It Go (Official Music Video) Fearless Soul - YouTube

(Disclaimer: We do not own the rights to the music in this video)

Thank you for joining me for Friday at Sundown. Remember… Just Breathe!

Resources Corner:

Victory Talk on Fridays Her life after the trauma: Jacqueline B. Miller (known as Lady J) shares her story is in her book Mosaics… Subtitle: Made from Beautifully Broken Pieces (this book is a collaboration of six (6) authors sharing their stories).

On the web:

Facebook: @victorytalk or

Twitter: @JackieLadyJ1.

Psychological Trauma

GirlVictorious: Life After Trauma is a blog geared at helping women lead a meaningful, full, and victorious life after going through trauma.

Domestic Violence

National Domestic Violence Hotline can help victims, survivors of domestic violence. Call 1-800-799-7233. Chat w/an advocate on our website. National Domestic Violence Hotline:

Aid for Military Veterans

In an attempt to cope with the pain of overwhelming emotions, sometimes veterans turn to unhealthy relationships, at-risk behaviors, or substance abuse.

Welcome Home is Celebrate Recovery's (CR) tool to help veterans stuck in hurts, hang-ups, and habits. (These statements are from CR’s Homepage). You are not alone!

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