• Belinda Lane

Discussion: “Tis the season to be… Jolly!”

Belinda M. Lane

November 11, 2022


We are fast approaching the holiday season. Anticipated joyous occasions when family and friends get together. There is a famous carol by Composer Thomas Oliphant and the title and lyric known around the world in this familiar song is “Tis the season to be jolly”. But far too many, it’s simply words. As the season gives rise to, what people have tried to bury emerges.


At family gathering, they expect you to show up with a smile and hopefully stay awhile. Then you find yourself facing family members, you have avoided all year. They approach you displaying a big smile and hugging you as if nothing has happened.


The pain of the events you experience ushers you throughout the entire evening. You struggle with your memory to “just stop” please. You quietly observe as they dominate the conversation of what they have accomplished over the years. Their words seeping through your very being, touching those wounded and broken places deep in your very core.


You find yourself staring at another family member; one you know who experienced the same act from this person and yet you see peace in their smile. You both revealed the horrific act which took place. Still, they seem at peace. Their smile is genuine and you listen to their achievements in their life. The person motions to you and you follow to a private space and sit.


Your first question is “Are you for real? This happened to both of us.” The conversation continues… “I had to choose to stop carrying him. Yes, the act was painful, and I felt I could never forgive. Then one day while I was pondering about what had transpired and I felt the pain. I got nauseous and overwhelmed with depression until I couldn’t function for days. In my mind, I was reliving what had happened to me, saw it, felt it taking place as if it was still occurring. I decided no more will I continue to let him hurt me and steal my life.”


“On that day, I forgave. Not for him, but for me. It was hard, but every time the experience came up, I looked at it and said, I forgive. I can sincerely say I’m free of him and what he did. Not forgiving caused him to have continuous power over me. It kept the abuse alive inside of my mind. I gave the weight of what happen back to him. Believe it or not, he feels it all every time he sees us. We don’t see behind his closed doors. I understood I was hurting myself for another person’s sin. I was making poor choices for myself through the wound and burden I was carrying.”


How many are still bearing the weight of another person’s sin and abusive behavior? Are you still covering your life up with someone else's actions? We merely have a brief span on this planet, even if we live to one hundred. We can allow ourselves to experience a way of life that wasn’t ours to live. Quit enduring a way of life which was inflicted on you.


Release the life that was imposed on you. Stop carrying another person’s life inside of you, who is trapping the real you. Resolve not to carry their sickness anymore. Let your true smile surface. Forgiving is tough, but it is also possible. Let this be the starting point of stepping into your authentic identity and experiencing the rest of your life as you.


Thank you for joining me for Friday at Sundown. Remember… Just Breathe!


The Freedom of Forgiveness | Kenneth Goodrum | TEDxDayton - YouTube

(Disclaimer: We do not own the rights to the scene in this video)


(2) How to Forgive and Let Go of Your Past - Joyce Meyer - YouTube

(Disclaimer: We do not own the rights to the scene in this video)


Resources:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Dial 988

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you

800-273-8255

Domestic Violence

National Domestic Violence Hotline can help victims, survivors of domestic violence. Call 1-800-799-7233. Chat w/an advocate on our website. National Domestic Violence Hotline: www.thehotline.org/

Aid for Military Veterans

In an attempt to cope with the pain of overwhelming emotions, sometimes veterans turn to unhealthy relationships, at-risk behaviors, or substance abuse.

Welcome Home is Celebrate Recovery's (CR) tool to help veterans stuck in hurts, hang-ups, and habits. (These statements are from CR’s Homepage). You are not alone! https://www.welcomehome.celebraterecovery.com